How did I get here again? Tears. Frustration. Shame. Anger at myself. Self contempt. Embarrassment. Recognizing for the millionth time that my food, and therefore my body, is out of control. I don’t want to admit it. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to deal with it…but I must, and I know it. If I don’t, pounds will stack up and make the inevitable start-over-diet even worse. So I did what I usually do…called my friend Jessica. We have ridden the diet roller coaster for years together. We understand the truth and we speak it to each other…or we stay silent. Either way, there is a bond…mutual respect…forged on mountain trails and in a lifetime of friendship. At this point I am up and she is down. She is thriving and has experienced a breakthrough. I am listening. But I am also angry. At food. At my inability to deal with it in healthy ways. At the fact I have to give up the things I love…again. She is patient. She waits for me to finish my tantrum…because she knows I will. Then she says…”Find Your Food.” “What?” I ask. “Find Your Food.” My mind stops pouting for a minute. Find my food? Diets don’t tell you to find your food. They tell you your food. You don’t have any choices…do it or don’t, that’s it. This phrase shifts something in my head. I ask more questions. How do I find it? Remove problematic foods for 30 days…or 60…or 90. Detox. Then add them back one at a time and see how they make you feel. If you have no negative effects you get to keep it. If your body responds negatively, take it away. It makes sense to me. So I try it for 30 days…and I feel so much better I add on 30 more. Not focused on weight loss…though I have lost 17 lbs. I focus instead on how I feel. How the cravings are gone. The sluggishness is history. The aches are subsiding. Blood sugar levels are stable. My husband has benefited as well. Lost close to 20lbs. Blood pressure lower than it has been in years. Brain fog gone. Energy up. He says, “Let’s keep going.” And so we are. Finding my food and finding my hope.
Michelle wrote this some time back. This past week she shared a blog post with me that I want to share with you...Amazing News!