Oh...the stories I told myself.
I don't have a problem with sugar. I can stop after one bite. I can control this. I'm not really ashamed and hiding am I? (No surely not)...
I was a storyteller, and I had a great personal narrative rolling inside of me, and if I didn't look in the mirror I could bypass my shame and obesity. What if my inner fears about what i was doing to myself were true? I could NOT handle that so, I kept telling myself stories. "I CAN control carbs, I just don't want to. I want to eat them."
I bargained by picking the newest sensible diet or trying to train for a sports event, or maybe coaching others.
As you all know I started back on Lowcarb Nov 2015 with my cousin and I did it for her. Doing it for someone other than myself seemed to be the ticket!
Then one day I had to OWN IT FOR ME! You see, I'd come to settle in and feel better. I'd come to find success all over again! I needed to embrace it and run with it for Me! That meant I needed to write a new narrative. I needed to deal with the stories I'd been telling myself.
With Pen and Paper I set about write a new story. "When I removed foods I could not control and replaced them with high-fat real foods I was so happy and satisfied I no longer craved the bad stuff. I had so much control I could orchestrate successful weight loss and had energy galore! With all the success I decided to face the truth, I have an addictive relationship with highly addictive foods and when I remove them and practice abstinence I have the control to face myself my problems and my food and make positive choices. I am an addict and I accept I need to remove certain uncontrollables."
I am an Addict
The day I said that, it floated across my mind and I thought, "Yes, I am and I accept that". I went to the mirror and said, "Acceptance"...over and over. I embraced a truth deeply and then said it out loud to the only person WHO NEEDED TO HEAR IT...ME! Then I rolled up my sleeves and have been building and creating a better life since then.
I know WHO I am and what I am capable of. I also seek to not USE food to cope, comfort or even heal with.
I've written a new story, with a new identity. I'm an addict, I can't control carbs. I removed them and have been able to work on me. I seek a healthy body and a healthier skill set. I want to enjoy my life and help others.
That's my new story and I've been telling it for 3 plus years.